Hey guys! My name is Katie Nichols and I am a senior, public relations major! I am also a first-year in the gaylord 4 + 1 program! I am so excited to get feedback and read your posts!
Hey Katie! I love, love, LOVE this idea of a Hogwarts storybook! (In fact, I think it may be my favorite so far.) I really appreciate that you have a character list in your storybook to help those who don’t necessarily know much about the Harry Potter series. I think it’s really cool that you are going to incorporate Padma and Parvati! Have you heard of Pottermore?? You should check it out. It’s a lot like the link that you provided for Buzzfeed, but it’s really detailed in both the housing and Patronus sorting! (I’m a Ravenclaw… so I guess that makes me in House Lakshmana!)
I really love what you did with the combination of the Harry Potter series and the Ramayana. My only piece of feedback, besides checking out Pottermore, would be to really indulge in describing Hogwarts in the very beginning for those who aren’t familiar with it! At the beginning you refer to the students that are filing in, and I think you could really capitalize on some prime descriptive sensory there! Other than that, I’m so excited to keep reading what you’re doing with this storybook!
Hi Katie! I love the idea of a Harry Potter storybook! This a great idea for the semester project. I also loved the character list that helps people, who are not familiar with the book series, understand who everyone is. I also loved the fact that you added a sorting quiz for everyone to go take. I am a Hufflepuff, which makes me House Bharata. I also liked that you described each of the houses and compared the founders to the Indian heroes. The Ramayana is my favorite of the stories we have been reading and I loved that you are using that for inspiration for your storybook. I loved that your storybook is in the form of a classroom setting. I would have loved to see more detail about Hogwarts in the intro though. Maybe have the setting start from the carriages or boats that cross the lake. It would have been interesting to read about how excited or scared they were to go into class. Overall I thought this introduction was amazing and cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook later.
Hello Katie! When I saw the word "Hogwarts" in your storybook title, I immediately clicked on it without a second thought! I love Harry Potter and seeing an alternate universe of it is so so exciting. I took the quiz on Pottermore and got into Slytherin (and I hope I don't get hate here haha), but it is nice to hear that I belong to House Shatrughna! Nonetheless, I really like the your vocabularies in this story because I can hear Professor McGonagall's voice in my head when I read through the introduction. I am familiar with Harry Potter, but here you are putting a new, creative twist into it! This is going to be awesome. I like that you include a character list in your website for readers who are not familiar with the book. Overall, your introduction has such a great hook and I am looking forward to read more from you!
I want to start off by saying well done on this writing piece! I enjoyed reading it and the fact that you gave a character list, really helped (since I have never seen or read Harry Potter).
Here are my thoughts about your story: 1. What do you think about making each character more memorable? Describe each character with physical tags.
2. I like the fact that you start your story with the 'thing' AKA your characters.
3. Your story is short, simple, yet exciting.
4. You are inconsistent with the words "golden eagle". In some sentences you have both words capitalized and in other sentences not - focus on that.
5. Under "house Shatrughna, you have the word "monkey" capitalized - this should be lowercase M
I hope that my comments are helpful and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Katie! When I first read the title of your storybook I knew that this would be perfect for you because I remember you mentioning your love of Harry Potter in your introduction post. I liked your use of dialogue in the introduction post I thought that it gave your story a very real feel. I liked how you separated the different characters into the houses. I thought that you remained true to the Harry Potter background but did a good job of switching it into the Epics of India. There was a couple of times I was slightly confused as to what you were trying to say, but that is nothing a little proofreading can't fix. I always like to read my stories out loud. This is especially helpful if I have a tricky sentence that I am trying to write, reading out loud helps it sound more natural to me. I can't wait to read more from your story throughout this semester.
Hi Katie! WOW I LOVE YOUR STORYBOOK IDEA! I am such an HP nerd and am currently even listening to the movie sound tracks on Spotify while I finish studying for tonight haha.I love how you are setting up your Storybook and adding the element of having the quiz at the bottom so the readers can sort themselves into houses; I’m sure this will result in allowing your readers to connect more with the stories. As for constructive criticism I would suggest adding the pictures at the top to create more of an ambiance!! In google sites, you can add images into the heading (behind the text) or move the images up to the top (above the textbox). This could really help set the stage for your story and help readers put themselves into Hogwarts, and the classrooms more specifically. Also, for the sake of consistency, with Answer Key at the bottom of the intro, I would suggest adding ‘courage and bravery’ to the Gryffindor description. All of the others have a character trait ties too it and this house only has ‘congrats’. Additionally, this makes it seem like this is the best house in Hogwarts. Again, I love this storybook and can’t wait to keep up with it through the course!! :)
Hi Katie! If I remember right, I read your introduction and about your love for Harry Potter. What a great idea to use such a widely loved book/movie as your storybook influence. It was also very thoughtful of you to include a character list for those muggles that have not read Harry Potter."House Rama was created to represent our historic hero, Rama, who with the help of a Golden Eagle vanquished the demons that plagued the land. Rama and his wife Sita wanted to honor the eagle who helped save Sita's life and defeat the demon Ravana, so that is why to this day, the mascot of the House Rama is a Golden eagle. The golden eagle reminds us that bravery and selflessness go hand in hand." I loved reading this, what a great idea to incorporate the houses with the specific characters from the indian epic! I also like how you didn't portray House Shatrughna as the evil house. This will be fun to let the reader decided on their own which hosue is good and evil. I cannot wait to see how this turns out!
All I could say is wow. Literally. My husband is sitting next to me as I am reading through storybooks and yours is amazing. I may be biased because I love Harry Potter quite a bit. But seriously the way you added a character list to describe what is going on, and then connected Rama to Harry is amazing. I honestly am amazed how creative this was. I will say just like others have commented on about the description. You should use description to describe the scenery of the classroom or what Hogwarts looks like because believe it or not there are still people who have not really seen Harry Potter. Other than that you did a great job but you should put in some decent amount of description and it will be superb. I also like how you added the quiz at the end to make it more interaction with the readers. Your story was sweet and simple to and I think you should keep it that way even when/ if you decide to add more description. The way you put the houses as people within Ramayana and gave a background story of each.
Katie, I think this is great! This might be because I love Harry Potter, but I really do believe it is mainly because you were able to stretch this to link the two stories together somehow. I can see how you determined each hero/person to link to each house also which is really impressive. Kudos on the extra research for representation and importance of each animal in the Indian culture! I think it might be beneficial to emphasize the paragraph about the brothers at the bottom of the page such as in bold font or a little bit larger. Although you separated it by extra space, I think it might still look better with a little bit more. Have you tried to place your image as the header on that page instead of at the bottom? I have inserted an image as a header instead of on the page and it cuts it off a bit, but it still looks good for what the story will be about in my instance. Since the castle is on the right, you could move your text to the right and it might fit well. I like that you included the character list for Hogwarts. Will you include one for the Ramayana also? I also think the quiz is a really neat idea. Great work! I look forward to reading your adventures!
Hi Katie! I loved reading your introduction, and I think the concept you have chosen to use for your storybook is absolutely wonderful. Using the characters of the Ramayana for inspiration for the Hogwarts houses was very cool. First of all, the parallels you drew between the Ramayana and the Harry Potter universe were very justified. I loved that you used Rama to represent Goodrich Gryffindor, as the characteristic of courage is present and significant in the development of both characters. I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook. It felt like reading a very well-written HP fan-fiction.
Some ideas for improvement and further development I would recommend:
Look further into the proper way to embed dialogue into a story. This was your introduction, so I think less dialogue is appropriate. As you continue your story, however, I think using dialogue properly could really help you develop your characters.
Additionally, it may be helpful to use more detailed imagery. Again, the intro can totally have the same effect with less of this, but I just think it is a helpful thing to keep in mind as you continue your stories.
Wow your storybook is so creative! When I first started reading the intro I was thinking that you were just going to have a Harry Potter theme and make all the stories fit that without the original names, so I was very surprised when I got to the part about the houses. It would be really cool if you did your four stories in your book about how each house came to be. I can’t really tell if that is what you are planning on doing from what you have written. Maybe if you wanted to edit your intro you could add a little bit about the stories that are going to come so that the readers know what to expect. The character list is really helpful for people who don’t know Harry Potter as well, that was really creative. I noticed one small typo on your author’s note you wrote the Ramayan instead of the Ramayana. Your storybook looks great though and I am excited to see how it turns out! Very creative!
to A* History of Hogwarts ==> I would leave the A out. It probably is not wrong it just sounds weird to me. I like how you brought the original harry potter cast in but it doesn't seem like you are going to use them, I would try to bring up the sisters you have in your first story into the introduction so you don't have to keep bringing in Hermione unless you are planning to use her as a character. From an outsider to the harry potter world so it seems weird bringing up this character because I do not know her background. (Im just assuming an outsider will feel this way... I tots know Hermione is the best. ) Everything else looks good and I love how you went above and beyond with adding in the buzzfeed quiz so we can connect with the story better. I'm from the other class but would love to stop in and see where your story takes you!
This was such a great idea for a Storybook! Your introduction did a good job of setting the scene and giving the background needed to understand what we were about to get into, but I liked how in your first story you led with two other main characters. I think it is going to be really interesting to go on this journey with the girls! You tied it in with the Indian history so well where it really flows and sounds like a fun adventure. I also loved the buzzfeed quiz in your intro! Such a fun idea! You worked in aspects from Harry Potter really well, but it is not too much where it would be confusing to someone who was unfamiliar with Harry Potter. Your description of the girls really made me like them as characters! I noticed a couple of typos in your Author's Note, but other than that it looks really good! Great job!
Katie, I loved your story, it is such a great starting and I am really looking forward to your story as you go throughout the story. You did a really good job at tying in each of the houses to the gods. This was a great start, and the fact that it is Hogwarts just makes it ten times better than I could ever imagine. Your story really intrigued me and made me want to read more and more. If I could suggest one thing it would be that you add a little more to the ending of the story after the house descriptions. To me it seemed to end just a little too quick and left nothing more to grasp onto and nothing to really lead into the rest of your storybook. Overall it was a great read and I am much looking forward to read more as the semester goes on. Great job.
Hey Katie! I really like your story! I love how you took a common modern day story, Harry Potter, and incorporated slight changes to make it fit the Indian Epics theme! I am in the mythology course with Laura Gibbs, so I did not know what to expect from reading the Indian Epics storybooks! I was pleasantly surprised to find the same imaginative stories! Your introduction was very captivating and made me feel like I was reading more Harry Potter books! I like the houses that you created and how you related them back to the original Hogwarts houses. I really like that you included a character list for those who have not read the Harry Potter series! In your first story I like how you added deeper personalities to the Patil twins. I also (kind of) really like how you left it at a cliff hanger. I just want to know what happens, but that is a nice method to make sure your readers come back!
I really enjoyed reading this, and I can't wait to see what else you incorporate and how your story takes shape!
Hey Katie! I am from the Myth and Folklore class! I was scrolling through the storybooks and as I love Harry Potter I found my way to yours! I love that you included a character list as I knew all of the characters but would have been thrown off by the Indian twins! I noticed that in the character list for them you used the true house names, not the renamed ones so there is so weird overlap you may want to look at! I also love that you included the BuzzFeed quiz! So funny! I wonder who is narrating these stories though, is it Harry or someone else? I seriously can’t wait to finish reading your stories although it is weird to see them not completely centered on Harry! I would like to read more original characters incorporated in your stories as well, but overall great job! Good Luck!
Hey Katie! My name is John Bates and I'm from the Mythology and Folklore class, it's nice to meet you! I liked the fact that you are using the Harry Potter series as your writing inspiration. I read all of the books except for the last two, so I really liked your intro and your first story! While I was reading your stories, I was wondering how you're going to integrate Harry, Hermoine, and Ron into your stories. I know the Patil twins are your main characters, but I'd still like to read about how you use those three in order to further your stories' plot! I was also wondering how you're going to use the four Indian characters that you introduced in your intro, seeing as how I don't really know anything about them. However, this might not matter, seeing as how your story is more geared toward the Ramayana and I haven't read through the Ramayana at all. With that in mind, I was thinking what if you have the Patil twins meet those four Indian characters who represent the four houses? I don't think this would be too far fetched, seeing as how ghosts exist in the wizarding world! Although I don't know exactly where you're going with your stories, doing this could give you the opportunity to develop their backgrounds. Anyway, I enjoyed your stories! Keep up the great work!
Hey Katie! I love the idea of tying together the Ramayana and Harry Potter into your storybook--I definitely think that what you have so far with the introduction is really interesting. I like how you began with Professor McGonagall and then Ron, Harry, and Hermione. But, I especially like how you spoke what was on Professor McGonagall's mind. You did a great job of incorporating the brothers of the Ramayana into the various Hogwarts Houses, and while I'm assuming that the Harry Potter characters are in similar Ramayana Houses, I think it would be helpful to add that into the story. I also thought the ending was slightly abrupt because you discuss each of the houses and then it kind of tails off. It would be cool to see some dialogue interspersed here as the characters discuss the various houses, similar to how it may have been in the Harry Potter stories. Overall, I love your storybook and I'm looking forward to reading more of the stories!
Hello Katie! I’m Chrystal Brehm from Myth and Folklore. I think your story is awesome, because I’m a HUGE Harry Potter fan. As soon as I saw the title, I knew this was the storybook I wanted to read. So, great job on a catchy storybook project idea! I love to read fanfic stuff for Harry Potter and this is pretty much the same thing, only with a slight twist, so that’s pretty cool in my opinion.
I think your page looks good and the pictures you have chosen are perfect. I like the darker background on the introduction better than the white on the first actual story. That’s only because, in my opinion, the story of Harry Potter is extremely dark and tragic. So, I think the darker page layout works better with the theme. I’m not sure though, if your story will turn out the same way, so just take that opinion for what it’s worth when applied to how your stories are going to go.
I’d really like to read more about the original story within your storybook. I have a very sound basis of knowledge of the Harry Potter stories but I do not have any background of the stories involving the Pandava brothers. I think it would be helpful if you added to your author’s note a short summary of what characteristics from the Pandava brothers story you wanted to bring into the Harry Potter universe to make the story your own. Having not read the original Pandava brothers story and reading your author’s note just didn’t really give me a foundation for where your inspiration came from. I also think since your introduction is part of the story, rather than an introduction to the storybook itself, it might be beneficial if you were to add another very brief summary of what your storybook is going to be about on the homepage. It’s obviously about the Harry Potter universe but you could state where you’re pulling inspiration from and what your hopes are for the storybook project as a whole.
I noticed a couple of slight grammatical errors and I’ve noted them below. Very interesting story idea and I think it’s going to be a great project!
>>“…each house has their reason for existing.” I think it should be “each house has *its* own reason for existing.” OR “All of the houses have *their*own reason for existing.” >>“Their personalities balanced each other out and they were rarely seen without the other.” should be “they were rarely seen without *one another*” OR “*one was* rarely seen without the other.” >>“There were always students in there talking and joking with the ghosts. Fred and George, two of the Weasley brothers were always down here planning some prank or another with Peeves the resident prankster ghost.” should say “…were always down *there* planning some prank or another…”
The Hogwarts theme is a great idea. It has a lot of potential and can go a lot of different directions. It is nice to use an existing story that already has so many details, so you can go to different places within the storybook project. This is important because running out ideas is never good, but with a Hogwarts/Harry Potter theme, you will not have to worry about that. The first chapter has a lot of dialogue in it. This isn’t a bad thing, but maybe try to include more straightforward information for the reader. This is critical especially in the beginning of a storybook. I like your idea of having the first story finish on a cliffhanger. This adds a certain level of suspense and will want the reader to come back for more. Throughout the introduction and story there were grammatical errors that need to be taken care of. Great job on your storybook so far!
Hi Katie! I chose to follow up with your storybook for this week, and you did not disappoint. I really like how you are using the Hogwarts setting to bring Indian Epics to life, rather than having the Epics characters fit into the Harry Potter mold. One common thread that I have always loved about HP was everyone's love for learning. It would be really cool to see the known HP characters be introduced to Indian History by the Patil Sisters and the Pandava Brothers. You could possibly even create a cool crossover of maybe an old influential Indian Professor coming to Hogwarts to teach a lesson or something like that. Overall I love where your project is going, and I look forward to reading more!!
I am in love with how you based your storybook off of Harry Potter! I think you did a good job with blending the original story and its characters with Indian characters and mythology. I was a bit confused as to whose point of view you were writing from. Are you writing as if you are McGonagall or as if you are a narrator? I think you need to go through your story after you decide and make sure that everything is consistent with who is speaking. In your third paragraph, you have the sentence “During his reign, Lord Ravana strikes fear in the hearts of witches and wizards.”, I think that you need to change strikes to struck to be constant in what tense you are writing in. “After seeing the fear in the eyes of my students, she knew it was time to move on to another subject.” Change my to her.
Katie! I was immediately drawn to your storybook because of the Harry Potter theme. I love Harry Potter and thought it would be very interesting to see how you incorporated this into your storybook! I think the theme of your storybook is awesome; the colors, pictures, etc. used fit your storybook very well. I think it's nice, too, that you included a character list for people who aren't as familiar with the story. I think that your introduction does a very good job of explaining your storybook and how the indian stories fit into your theme. I like that your first story explains the ghosts of the castle and thus the head of each house. I did notice a few grammar typos, so I would recommend rereading your stories one more time after writing them to make sure that everything flows correctly. Overall, I think your writing is really nice for this type of storybook and I think you do a good job of integrating your theme throughout. I think your storybook is off to a great start!
Wow, Katie, I absolutely loved reading your story!! I am a Harry Potter fan so I was excited to see such a fun blend of the Ramayana and Mahabharata with J.K. Rowling's world and characters!
The layout for your Storybook was absolutely spot on and the pictures really supplemented while providing imagery for readers. I loved that you provided a character list and added the Patil twins on there because I was not expecting there to be new additions to the trio of Ron, Hermione, and Harry, but I was so excited to see that! I also loved how you introduced the story of the evil Lord Ravana (also excited for him to reappear!) through Professor McGonagall's history course. That is such a creative way to tell the story so that readers and students are both learning, yet the readers find out there is more to the story than McGonagall is initially letting on.
I am looking forward to keeping up with this story and reading more as the semester goes! You have such an excellent and captivating writing style and I think this will be such a fun project!
Hi Katie, I chose your storybook to read as my third free choice option because of the title for your storybook! While I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan, I still find the stories very interesting and certainly can't resist to engage into any reading related to or about them. I really think the layout for your story is one of the greatest things. Aesthetics are such an underrated aspect to a story and I must say, you nailed it! The pictures you used really allow the reader to even further comprehend the story being told. I think the way you are inserting Ravana into the story is very creative and really what this class is all about. It's awesome that even if a reader knows nothing about Harry potter books or movies, they are still able to enjoy this because of the great detail you put into it. I look forward to what else you are going to add, thanks!!
Hi, Katie!! I love keeping up with your story book and seeing all of the new additions to your project! This theme is so fun, and it seems like a huge portion of this class are big HP fans so i'm sure you've created quite the following! I really like how you are using big and relevant pictures in your Storybook to help the reader immerse themselves into the scene. You also did a great job of giving enough detail about the backstories, but also not making it too over the top. My only suggestion would be to maybe add a picture in or around the text or maybe do something fun with the text (i.e. maybe give a little bit of backstory on Ravana through the form of a 'wanted' poster). All around this is such a fun and well executed Storybook!
Katie! I am loving seeing how your storybook project is progressing throughout the semester! It is so cool to see the different spins you put on traditional Harry Potter stories or themes. You opened your first story with dialogue which is so cool to really feel like I as a reader am apart of your story. Dialogue definitely makes it easier for me to understand what is going on. You did an excellent job of incorporating Rama into the teachings the are going on at Hogwarts. Your authors note was really well written and provided me a lot of information regarding how you were inspired to write this story. I like seeing the backside to stories like this. I would say that I wish you had incorporated some pictures throughout to break up the large bits of text. It would make your story page easier to look at if readers eyes were occasionally given a break from paragraph after paragraph. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your story this week!
Hi Katie! If I remember right, I read your introduction and about your love for Harry Potter and your introduction to this storybook. It is still such a great idea to use such a widely loved book/movie as your storybook influence. I really enjoyed how you incorporated the Pandava brothers into the story. Introducing them as ghosts really let you explain who they were and the history behind them. Having a Harry Potter character introduce other Indian history characters like you did here, “While the four brothers were the founders of this school, they were not alone in its establishment. I would like to welcome to class the ghosts of the Pandava Brothers. Some of you might be familiar with their story,” is the best way I could think of. The ending of your story was also really good; it was a nice cliffhanger that made me want to read more. Keep up the good work!
Katie, I genuinely think that your storybook is my favorite. I love Harry Potter, and so far, your stories have done a magnificent job of capturing the wonder, adventure, and suspense that can be felt in the Harry Potter series. There are some instances in your stories where I can tell that you’ve been in the Gaylord College, and you’ve been trained on how to write like a reporter. You refer to Professor McGonagell in some instances as just “McGonagell”, and that’s not necessarily the best practice for storytelling purposes. Other than that, the overall storybook and stories are so good and enjoyable! In your story “The Attack,” I love the drama and suspense techniques that you utilized towards the end. I feel like it would be even more dramatic, or of a cliffhanger, if instead, you just left it at: “McGonagall quickly threw a protective spell at the windows to block anything from coming in. She turned to her students and said the one word she knew would cause panic. ‘Run.’” Just a suggestion - it’s so good!
I love the Harry Potter series so this is one of my favorite storybooks. I love that the setting in McGonagall's classroom. She is my favorite professor in the series. I also liked that you are focusing on the Patil sisters instead of the main trio in the first story. Their Indian culture and background make them perfect for an Indian adaptation to Harry Potter. I thought that the Panadava brothers being ghosts was a nice detail to add to your story. That helps assimilate Harry Potter and The Indian Epics together. I liked your story "The Attack" as well. I liked how Dumbledore wanted them to know what was happening just like in the books. I love the cliffhanger that you added to your last story. It adds so much suspense and builds anticipation for your next story. By the way it worked. I really want to read your next story. Good job this week!
Hello Kaite. Incorporating the Harry Potter series into your storybook was an amazing idea and for that I give you a thumbs up! The content of the site is easy to follow and understand. It was a good idea to have a character list as a tab for the people who somehow made it through childhood without watching/reading the series. My favorite part was when you had all the sons of King Pandu come to the class and tell them about the history. It was cool to see them make an appearance in the story as ghosts. The only question I have is are they all still typical wizards who use wands to use magic? Or is it more of an Indian approach where these people at this school are demigods and are just magical? Cannot wait to see what the next part after the attack will be!
Hi Katie, this story has already captured my attention because of how you chose to relate to the story. I too am a very big fan of the Harry Potter Series. So, I was immediately curious how you would relate the two stories. This seems like a very interesting way to gain inspiration and to challenge one to think about stories in new ways. Very cool. Immediately, I was glad to see us transported directly to the old classroom and I felt like you did a great job accomplishing that feel. The founders of Hogwarts was fundamental to the Potter story, so it makes sense that you drove the story into that topic and put Rama and his entourage into center of the story. Well done. Also, we see you easily found a villain to label with the Voldemort part. What about Hanuman? He could maybe still be alive in an upcoming episode, no? I like how you show the children are a bit nervous at the sound of Ravana’s name. Perfect, I should have seen the ghosts coming. That will be an easy way to access any of these characters. The sky is the limit.
Hi Katie, this story caught my attention because I love Harry Potter. I am pretty sure I read your first story back before it became part of your storybook, so I skipped to the second one. I love how the setting is in the classroom, because most of us can actually picture it and see this scene happening. Your story is even more effective at painting a picture in a reader's mind because a lot of us already have that picture in our mind of McGonagall and the students in class, and Dumbledore busting in. It turned out kind of perfect with the opportunity to make Ravana like Voldemort, because even people who aren't HP fans know Voldemort is the bad guy, haha. The only suggestion I have is to incorporate magic more into it. Or, if you are choosing to exclude magic and incorporate indian epics into it by making them muggles, then that is good too. I just think you need to address that in some way either have the students be casting spells, or doing normal school work. Other than that small adjustment, this story was awesome! I look forward to reading more, because yes!! You did leave us with a cliffhanger!! Great job.
Hi Katie! If I remember right, I read your introduction and about your love for Harry Potter. What a great idea to use such a widely loved book/movie as your storybook influence. The creativity and imagination you put into this story is very evident and paid off very well. I loved reading this, what a great idea to incorporate the houses with the specific characters from the indian epic! The drama in this story was spot on. I particularly liked this part, "“Wait, what should I tell them is the reason for the sudden change? Should I lie?” “Tell them the truth. They should be prepared,” Dumbledore said as he left the hall." It really reminded me of the books and all of the drama that came with them. I think you really captured this here. This story turned out great. Keep up the hard work; I am excited to see how this turns out.
Let me start off by telling you that I grew up on the Harry Potter books so I have been really excited to have the opportunity to read your storybook. Additionally, I really love the way you’ve written your story. It flows very well from incident to incident. I also think that you’ve done an excellent job of writing the characters to behave in a realistic manner to their personalities. One thing I think you could do to possibly improve the story would be to take more care to make it clear which characters are involved in which actions. For example, when you write about the students in the common room deciding to go out and find out how to stop Ravana from the original founders of the school its hard to tell who is actually involved with the planning and who goes along to try and help make the plan a success. Regardless, I very much enjoyed your story! Great job!
I got lucky last week by being assigned to read your storybook so this week I came back and read the next story. Out of all the storybooks I have viewed so far this one is my favorite! In your new story really liked how you incorporated the students to want to help like they did in the actual series. You are doing something I haven't seen many people do in this class and it's working well for you. I'm excited to see what the founders have to say about what the students need to do to help fend off the evil ravana. Youe newest story was great but I think if you have about 30 minutes it would help to re-read it to eliminate a handful of typos that I came across while I was reading. I'm looking forward to seeing how this storybook will be concluded in the coming weeks.
Katie, I haven’t kept up with your storybook, so I read it all tonight. I love it! I think it is a perfect blend of dialogue and descriptions. I like how you double-space your writing from the dialogue and it is surprising that it doesn’t make the stories feel like they are longer to read. I think it is much easier on the eyes to read the introduction since it has a dark background versus the other stories with the white background, but that is totally my preference. It might be interesting to alternate your pages if you have time to play with the style. Although this week’s assignment list says that “The Attack” is your most recent story, I read “A History Lesson” since it was posted. You have done a good job on bringing the Patil sisters into the action. I think it was cool that they had been visiting the Pandava ghosts ever since the brothers came to their classroom. It made for an easy transition. The only critiques I have are normal first draft spelling errors. Harry’s lightning “bolt” is spelled as “bold” and “fount” is written instead of “fought” in the dialogue by Dean Thomas a couple paragraphs below. I am excited about reading the epic finale. Fantastic story!
Hi Katie, Wow, I really enjoyed your storybook! I chose your storybook by choice this week, and I am so glad I made that choice. You have done a great job! The cliff hangers in each of the stories is great, because it was like a Netflix episode or the end of the Harry Potter movie, where I had to click on the next one to find out what happens next. The details, plot line, and dialogue all have contributed to the strength of your stories, and I admire that. The author's note have done a really great job of explaining the goals you were trying to achieve with each story, as well as what to expect next. The only suggestion I really have is maybe to introduce some more magic spell type action, and maybe instead of the spells we hear in the movie maybe replace it with some mantras or religious dialect from the epics we have read. Overall, you have done a remarkable job and I am looking forward to coming back to your storybook to find out the end of this saga. Nice job!
First of all, I love the layout of each of the pages. The title and image both really set the tone for the story that is about to come and I think that it is a crucial element to the story. Honestly, reading the first paragraph, I felt like I was sitting in the lecture hall while Professor McGonagall is lecturing. I like how you really piece together the various epics with Harry Potter. The way you describe the houses and the similarities between Ravana and Lord Voldemort is awesome and it makes the story very intriguing. Also, the parallels with the Hogwarts ghosts and the Pandavas was great. The addition of the Patil twins really ties it all in together. I'm excited to read the next story, Katie! Keep up the great work!
Hey Katie! This story was just as awesome as the previous ones. I loved how you started off "The Attack" story on the lighter side before jumping into the main plot of the tale, and you did a great job of going right into the juicy part of the story. I like how you tell the story from Professor McGonagall's perspective because the original Harry Potter is told from the perspective of Harry and this gives it a new light with a similar story. You really caught my attention with the quick and intense turn of events. The part where Professor McGonagall looks out the window and sees Lord Ravana standing on the hill with his ten heads was a great description and literally ran a chill down my spine. The author's note has a great tie-in to the next story and you do a good job of describing what is about to come. Great job, Katie!
Hi Katie! I just read the third story in your series and I am so impressed! I read the first two and I have been anxious to come back and read more. You did not disappoint!!! Your stories flow so well, you make it easy and fun to read and understand. I especially like how you included all the new characters in this story. I really love how you keep some of the original Harry Potter characters the same then add your own to make it authentic and relevant. You do a great job of connecting your readers to what you're writing. I really enjoyed reading your storybook. You write wonderfully, and I hope you continue to write and create outside of this class!
Hi, Katie! It's been over a month since I last read your storybook, and I must say, I think it's even better now! I'm already biased, obviously, because it's about Harry Potter. However, even after I get passed that excitement, I can see how great of a storybook you have created.Like the previous comment directly before mine, I think it's awesome how you were able to keep the same Harry Potter characters we all know and love, while adding some that are sort of new to us. This might be my favorite thing about your storybook, actually. This aspect of your storybook really allows the reader to create a more visual representation in their head of what is going on in the story.
Hello Katie! Your storybook has been my favorite throughout this class. Combining the harry potter series and the Indian epics stories we learning in this class were a really good idea. Just about all of us in this class grew up watching/reading the series so when you changed bits and pieces to fit your storybook it was easy to follow. I enjoyed how in the last story I felt a sense of urgency throughout. Almost as if I was reading the words faster and faster. My favorite part was at the end when Rama told the two girls that home is wherever they make it. Not going to lie, it seemed a little cheesy but it was a good conclusion to the overall idea you portrayed in the storybook. The only suggestion I would make is to add a author's note on the last story to tell where you got some of your ideas from. I enjoyed the story but it would have been nice to hear from the author one last time in a concluding note.
Hi Katie! Wow, your storybook is so unique! I’m assuming you are a huge Harry Potter fan. Haha. My favorite part of your storybook was the character list! I haven’t seen any storybooks yet with this feature. It really helps out those that are not familiar with Harry Potter. I like that you continued one theme throughout the storybook. I like how you merged the original stories into your theme. I was a little confused as to how some of the original stories were a part of your storybook while reading. I feel you could possibly add in a little bit more about the original stories within your storybook. A History Lesson was one of my favorite stories! You did a great job in including the original characters into this story in particular. My favorite part in this story was the magical bow! Who doesn’t love a little bit of magic here and there in stories? Great work!
Hey Katie! I love, love, LOVE this idea of a Hogwarts storybook! (In fact, I think it may be my favorite so far.) I really appreciate that you have a character list in your storybook to help those who don’t necessarily know much about the Harry Potter series. I think it’s really cool that you are going to incorporate Padma and Parvati! Have you heard of Pottermore?? You should check it out. It’s a lot like the link that you provided for Buzzfeed, but it’s really detailed in both the housing and Patronus sorting! (I’m a Ravenclaw… so I guess that makes me in House Lakshmana!)
ReplyDeleteI really love what you did with the combination of the Harry Potter series and the Ramayana. My only piece of feedback, besides checking out Pottermore, would be to really indulge in describing Hogwarts in the very beginning for those who aren’t familiar with it! At the beginning you refer to the students that are filing in, and I think you could really capitalize on some prime descriptive sensory there! Other than that, I’m so excited to keep reading what you’re doing with this storybook!
Hi Katie! I love the idea of a Harry Potter storybook! This a great idea for the semester project. I also loved the character list that helps people, who are not familiar with the book series, understand who everyone is. I also loved the fact that you added a sorting quiz for everyone to go take. I am a Hufflepuff, which makes me House Bharata. I also liked that you described each of the houses and compared the founders to the Indian heroes. The Ramayana is my favorite of the stories we have been reading and I loved that you are using that for inspiration for your storybook. I loved that your storybook is in the form of a classroom setting. I would have loved to see more detail about Hogwarts in the intro though. Maybe have the setting start from the carriages or boats that cross the lake. It would have been interesting to read about how excited or scared they were to go into class. Overall I thought this introduction was amazing and cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook later.
ReplyDeleteHello Katie! When I saw the word "Hogwarts" in your storybook title, I immediately clicked on it without a second thought! I love Harry Potter and seeing an alternate universe of it is so so exciting. I took the quiz on Pottermore and got into Slytherin (and I hope I don't get hate here haha), but it is nice to hear that I belong to House Shatrughna! Nonetheless, I really like the your vocabularies in this story because I can hear Professor McGonagall's voice in my head when I read through the introduction. I am familiar with Harry Potter, but here you are putting a new, creative twist into it! This is going to be awesome. I like that you include a character list in your website for readers who are not familiar with the book. Overall, your introduction has such a great hook and I am looking forward to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Katie,
ReplyDeleteI want to start off by saying well done on this writing piece! I enjoyed reading it and the fact that you gave a character list, really helped (since I have never seen or read Harry Potter).
Here are my thoughts about your story:
1. What do you think about making each character more memorable? Describe each character with physical tags.
2. I like the fact that you start your story with the 'thing' AKA your characters.
3. Your story is short, simple, yet exciting.
4. You are inconsistent with the words "golden eagle". In some sentences you have both words capitalized and in other sentences not - focus on that.
5. Under "house Shatrughna, you have the word "monkey" capitalized - this should be lowercase M
I hope that my comments are helpful and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Katie! When I first read the title of your storybook I knew that this would be perfect for you because I remember you mentioning your love of Harry Potter in your introduction post. I liked your use of dialogue in the introduction post I thought that it gave your story a very real feel. I liked how you separated the different characters into the houses. I thought that you remained true to the Harry Potter background but did a good job of switching it into the Epics of India. There was a couple of times I was slightly confused as to what you were trying to say, but that is nothing a little proofreading can't fix. I always like to read my stories out loud. This is especially helpful if I have a tricky sentence that I am trying to write, reading out loud helps it sound more natural to me. I can't wait to read more from your story throughout this semester.
ReplyDeleteHi Katie! WOW I LOVE YOUR STORYBOOK IDEA! I am such an HP nerd and am currently even listening to the movie sound tracks on Spotify while I finish studying for tonight haha.I love how you are setting up your Storybook and adding the element of having the quiz at the bottom so the readers can sort themselves into houses; I’m sure this will result in allowing your readers to connect more with the stories. As for constructive criticism I would suggest adding the pictures at the top to create more of an ambiance!! In google sites, you can add images into the heading (behind the text) or move the images up to the top (above the textbox). This could really help set the stage for your story and help readers put themselves into Hogwarts, and the classrooms more specifically. Also, for the sake of consistency, with Answer Key at the bottom of the intro, I would suggest adding ‘courage and bravery’ to the Gryffindor description. All of the others have a character trait ties too it and this house only has ‘congrats’. Additionally, this makes it seem like this is the best house in Hogwarts. Again, I love this storybook and can’t wait to keep up with it through the course!! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Katie! If I remember right, I read your introduction and about your love for Harry Potter.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea to use such a widely loved book/movie as your storybook influence. It was also very thoughtful of you to include a character list for those muggles that have not read Harry Potter."House Rama was created to represent our historic hero, Rama, who with the help of a Golden Eagle vanquished the demons that plagued the land. Rama and his wife Sita wanted to honor the eagle who helped save Sita's life and defeat the demon Ravana, so that is why to this day, the mascot of the House Rama is a Golden eagle. The golden eagle reminds us that bravery and selflessness go hand in hand." I loved reading this, what a great idea to incorporate the houses with the specific characters from the indian epic! I also like how you didn't portray House Shatrughna as the evil house. This will be fun to let the reader decided on their own which hosue is good and evil. I cannot wait to see how this turns out!
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ReplyDeleteAll I could say is wow. Literally. My husband is sitting next to me as I am reading through storybooks and yours is amazing. I may be biased because I love Harry Potter quite a bit. But seriously the way you added a character list to describe what is going on, and then connected Rama to Harry is amazing. I honestly am amazed how creative this was. I will say just like others have commented on about the description. You should use description to describe the scenery of the classroom or what Hogwarts looks like because believe it or not there are still people who have not really seen Harry Potter. Other than that you did a great job but you should put in some decent amount of description and it will be superb. I also like how you added the quiz at the end to make it more interaction with the readers. Your story was sweet and simple to and I think you should keep it that way even when/ if you decide to add more description. The way you put the houses as people within Ramayana and gave a background story of each.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteI think this is great! This might be because I love Harry Potter, but I really do believe it is mainly because you were able to stretch this to link the two stories together somehow. I can see how you determined each hero/person to link to each house also which is really impressive. Kudos on the extra research for representation and importance of each animal in the Indian culture!
I think it might be beneficial to emphasize the paragraph about the brothers at the bottom of the page such as in bold font or a little bit larger. Although you separated it by extra space, I think it might still look better with a little bit more.
Have you tried to place your image as the header on that page instead of at the bottom? I have inserted an image as a header instead of on the page and it cuts it off a bit, but it still looks good for what the story will be about in my instance. Since the castle is on the right, you could move your text to the right and it might fit well.
I like that you included the character list for Hogwarts. Will you include one for the Ramayana also? I also think the quiz is a really neat idea. Great work! I look forward to reading your adventures!
Hi Katie! I loved reading your introduction, and I think the concept you have chosen to use for your storybook is absolutely wonderful. Using the characters of the Ramayana for inspiration for the Hogwarts houses was very cool. First of all, the parallels you drew between the Ramayana and the Harry Potter universe were very justified. I loved that you used Rama to represent Goodrich Gryffindor, as the characteristic of courage is present and significant in the development of both characters. I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook. It felt like reading a very well-written HP fan-fiction.
ReplyDeleteSome ideas for improvement and further development I would recommend:
Look further into the proper way to embed dialogue into a story. This was your introduction, so I think less dialogue is appropriate. As you continue your story, however, I think using dialogue properly could really help you develop your characters.
Additionally, it may be helpful to use more detailed imagery. Again, the intro can totally have the same effect with less of this, but I just think it is a helpful thing to keep in mind as you continue your stories.
Great work! You have a lot of talent.
Wow your storybook is so creative! When I first started reading the intro I was thinking that you were just going to have a Harry Potter theme and make all the stories fit that without the original names, so I was very surprised when I got to the part about the houses. It would be really cool if you did your four stories in your book about how each house came to be. I can’t really tell if that is what you are planning on doing from what you have written. Maybe if you wanted to edit your intro you could add a little bit about the stories that are going to come so that the readers know what to expect. The character list is really helpful for people who don’t know Harry Potter as well, that was really creative. I noticed one small typo on your author’s note you wrote the Ramayan instead of the Ramayana. Your storybook looks great though and I am excited to see how it turns out! Very creative!
ReplyDeleteto A* History of Hogwarts
ReplyDelete==> I would leave the A out. It probably is not wrong it just sounds weird to me.
I like how you brought the original harry potter cast in but it doesn't seem like you are going to use them, I would try to bring up the sisters you have in your first story into the introduction so you don't have to keep bringing in Hermione unless you are planning to use her as a character. From an outsider to the harry potter world so it seems weird bringing up this character because I do not know her background. (Im just assuming an outsider will feel this way... I tots know Hermione is the best. )
Everything else looks good and I love how you went above and beyond with adding in the buzzfeed quiz so we can connect with the story better. I'm from the other class but would love to stop in and see where your story takes you!
This was such a great idea for a Storybook! Your introduction did a good job of setting the scene and giving the background needed to understand what we were about to get into, but I liked how in your first story you led with two other main characters. I think it is going to be really interesting to go on this journey with the girls! You tied it in with the Indian history so well where it really flows and sounds like a fun adventure. I also loved the buzzfeed quiz in your intro! Such a fun idea! You worked in aspects from Harry Potter really well, but it is not too much where it would be confusing to someone who was unfamiliar with Harry Potter. Your description of the girls really made me like them as characters! I noticed a couple of typos in your Author's Note, but other than that it looks really good! Great job!
ReplyDeleteKatie, I loved your story, it is such a great starting and I am really looking forward to your story as you go throughout the story. You did a really good job at tying in each of the houses to the gods. This was a great start, and the fact that it is Hogwarts just makes it ten times better than I could ever imagine. Your story really intrigued me and made me want to read more and more. If I could suggest one thing it would be that you add a little more to the ending of the story after the house descriptions. To me it seemed to end just a little too quick and left nothing more to grasp onto and nothing to really lead into the rest of your storybook. Overall it was a great read and I am much looking forward to read more as the semester goes on. Great job.
ReplyDeleteHey Katie! I really like your story! I love how you took a common modern day story, Harry Potter, and incorporated slight changes to make it fit the Indian Epics theme! I am in the mythology course with Laura Gibbs, so I did not know what to expect from reading the Indian Epics storybooks! I was pleasantly surprised to find the same imaginative stories! Your introduction was very captivating and made me feel like I was reading more Harry Potter books! I like the houses that you created and how you related them back to the original Hogwarts houses. I really like that you included a character list for those who have not read the Harry Potter series! In your first story I like how you added deeper personalities to the Patil twins. I also (kind of) really like how you left it at a cliff hanger. I just want to know what happens, but that is a nice method to make sure your readers come back!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this, and I can't wait to see what else you incorporate and how your story takes shape!
Hey Katie!
ReplyDeleteI am from the Myth and Folklore class! I was scrolling through the storybooks and as I love Harry Potter I found my way to yours! I love that you included a character list as I knew all of the characters but would have been thrown off by the Indian twins! I noticed that in the character list for them you used the true house names, not the renamed ones so there is so weird overlap you may want to look at! I also love that you included the BuzzFeed quiz! So funny! I wonder who is narrating these stories though, is it Harry or someone else? I seriously can’t wait to finish reading your stories although it is weird to see them not completely centered on Harry! I would like to read more original characters incorporated in your stories as well, but overall great job! Good Luck!
Hey Katie! My name is John Bates and I'm from the Mythology and Folklore class, it's nice to meet you! I liked the fact that you are using the Harry Potter series as your writing inspiration. I read all of the books except for the last two, so I really liked your intro and your first story!
ReplyDeleteWhile I was reading your stories, I was wondering how you're going to integrate Harry, Hermoine, and Ron into your stories. I know the Patil twins are your main characters, but I'd still like to read about how you use those three in order to further your stories' plot! I was also wondering how you're going to use the four Indian characters that you introduced in your intro, seeing as how I don't really know anything about them. However, this might not matter, seeing as how your story is more geared toward the Ramayana and I haven't read through the Ramayana at all.
With that in mind, I was thinking what if you have the Patil twins meet those four Indian characters who represent the four houses? I don't think this would be too far fetched, seeing as how ghosts exist in the wizarding world! Although I don't know exactly where you're going with your stories, doing this could give you the opportunity to develop their backgrounds. Anyway, I enjoyed your stories! Keep up the great work!
Hey Katie! I love the idea of tying together the Ramayana and Harry Potter into your storybook--I definitely think that what you have so far with the introduction is really interesting. I like how you began with Professor McGonagall and then Ron, Harry, and Hermione. But, I especially like how you spoke what was on Professor McGonagall's mind. You did a great job of incorporating the brothers of the Ramayana into the various Hogwarts Houses, and while I'm assuming that the Harry Potter characters are in similar Ramayana Houses, I think it would be helpful to add that into the story. I also thought the ending was slightly abrupt because you discuss each of the houses and then it kind of tails off. It would be cool to see some dialogue interspersed here as the characters discuss the various houses, similar to how it may have been in the Harry Potter stories. Overall, I love your storybook and I'm looking forward to reading more of the stories!
ReplyDeleteHello Katie! I’m Chrystal Brehm from Myth and Folklore. I think your story is awesome, because I’m a HUGE Harry Potter fan. As soon as I saw the title, I knew this was the storybook I wanted to read. So, great job on a catchy storybook project idea! I love to read fanfic stuff for Harry Potter and this is pretty much the same thing, only with a slight twist, so that’s pretty cool in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI think your page looks good and the pictures you have chosen are perfect. I like the darker background on the introduction better than the white on the first actual story. That’s only because, in my opinion, the story of Harry Potter is extremely dark and tragic. So, I think the darker page layout works better with the theme. I’m not sure though, if your story will turn out the same way, so just take that opinion for what it’s worth when applied to how your stories are going to go.
I’d really like to read more about the original story within your storybook. I have a very sound basis of knowledge of the Harry Potter stories but I do not have any background of the stories involving the Pandava brothers. I think it would be helpful if you added to your author’s note a short summary of what characteristics from the Pandava brothers story you wanted to bring into the Harry Potter universe to make the story your own. Having not read the original Pandava brothers story and reading your author’s note just didn’t really give me a foundation for where your inspiration came from. I also think since your introduction is part of the story, rather than an introduction to the storybook itself, it might be beneficial if you were to add another very brief summary of what your storybook is going to be about on the homepage. It’s obviously about the Harry Potter universe but you could state where you’re pulling inspiration from and what your hopes are for the storybook project as a whole.
I noticed a couple of slight grammatical errors and I’ve noted them below. Very interesting story idea and I think it’s going to be a great project!
>>“…each house has their reason for existing.” I think it should be “each house has *its* own reason for existing.” OR “All of the houses have *their*own reason for existing.”
>>“Their personalities balanced each other out and they were rarely seen without the other.” should be “they were rarely seen without *one another*” OR “*one was* rarely seen without the other.”
>>“There were always students in there talking and joking with the ghosts. Fred and George, two of the Weasley brothers were always down here planning some prank or another with Peeves the resident prankster ghost.” should say “…were always down *there* planning some prank or another…”
The Hogwarts theme is a great idea. It has a lot of potential and can go a lot of different directions. It is nice to use an existing story that already has so many details, so you can go to different places within the storybook project. This is important because running out ideas is never good, but with a Hogwarts/Harry Potter theme, you will not have to worry about that. The first chapter has a lot of dialogue in it. This isn’t a bad thing, but maybe try to include more straightforward information for the reader. This is critical especially in the beginning of a storybook. I like your idea of having the first story finish on a cliffhanger. This adds a certain level of suspense and will want the reader to come back for more. Throughout the introduction and story there were grammatical errors that need to be taken care of. Great job on your storybook so far!
ReplyDeleteHi Katie! I chose to follow up with your storybook for this week, and you did not disappoint. I really like how you are using the Hogwarts setting to bring Indian Epics to life, rather than having the Epics characters fit into the Harry Potter mold. One common thread that I have always loved about HP was everyone's love for learning. It would be really cool to see the known HP characters be introduced to Indian History by the Patil Sisters and the Pandava Brothers. You could possibly even create a cool crossover of maybe an old influential Indian Professor coming to Hogwarts to teach a lesson or something like that. Overall I love where your project is going, and I look forward to reading more!!
ReplyDeleteI am in love with how you based your storybook off of Harry Potter! I think you did a good job with blending the original story and its characters with Indian characters and mythology. I was a bit confused as to whose point of view you were writing from. Are you writing as if you are McGonagall or as if you are a narrator? I think you need to go through your story after you decide and make sure that everything is consistent with who is speaking. In your third paragraph, you have the sentence “During his reign, Lord Ravana strikes fear in the hearts of witches and wizards.”, I think that you need to change strikes to struck to be constant in what tense you are writing in. “After seeing the fear in the eyes of my students, she knew it was time to move on to another subject.” Change my to her.
ReplyDeleteKatie! I was immediately drawn to your storybook because of the Harry Potter theme. I love Harry Potter and thought it would be very interesting to see how you incorporated this into your storybook! I think the theme of your storybook is awesome; the colors, pictures, etc. used fit your storybook very well. I think it's nice, too, that you included a character list for people who aren't as familiar with the story. I think that your introduction does a very good job of explaining your storybook and how the indian stories fit into your theme. I like that your first story explains the ghosts of the castle and thus the head of each house. I did notice a few grammar typos, so I would recommend rereading your stories one more time after writing them to make sure that everything flows correctly. Overall, I think your writing is really nice for this type of storybook and I think you do a good job of integrating your theme throughout. I think your storybook is off to a great start!
ReplyDeleteWow, Katie, I absolutely loved reading your story!! I am a Harry Potter fan so I was excited to see such a fun blend of the Ramayana and Mahabharata with J.K. Rowling's world and characters!
ReplyDeleteThe layout for your Storybook was absolutely spot on and the pictures really supplemented while providing imagery for readers. I loved that you provided a character list and added the Patil twins on there because I was not expecting there to be new additions to the trio of Ron, Hermione, and Harry, but I was so excited to see that! I also loved how you introduced the story of the evil Lord Ravana (also excited for him to reappear!) through Professor McGonagall's history course. That is such a creative way to tell the story so that readers and students are both learning, yet the readers find out there is more to the story than McGonagall is initially letting on.
I am looking forward to keeping up with this story and reading more as the semester goes! You have such an excellent and captivating writing style and I think this will be such a fun project!
Hi Katie, I chose your storybook to read as my third free choice option because of the title for your storybook! While I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan, I still find the stories very interesting and certainly can't resist to engage into any reading related to or about them. I really think the layout for your story is one of the greatest things. Aesthetics are such an underrated aspect to a story and I must say, you nailed it! The pictures you used really allow the reader to even further comprehend the story being told. I think the way you are inserting Ravana into the story is very creative and really what this class is all about. It's awesome that even if a reader knows nothing about Harry potter books or movies, they are still able to enjoy this because of the great detail you put into it. I look forward to what else you are going to add, thanks!!
ReplyDeleteHi, Katie!! I love keeping up with your story book and seeing all of the new additions to your project! This theme is so fun, and it seems like a huge portion of this class are big HP fans so i'm sure you've created quite the following! I really like how you are using big and relevant pictures in your Storybook to help the reader immerse themselves into the scene. You also did a great job of giving enough detail about the backstories, but also not making it too over the top. My only suggestion would be to maybe add a picture in or around the text or maybe do something fun with the text (i.e. maybe give a little bit of backstory on Ravana through the form of a 'wanted' poster). All around this is such a fun and well executed Storybook!
ReplyDeleteKatie! I am loving seeing how your storybook project is progressing throughout the semester! It is so cool to see the different spins you put on traditional Harry Potter stories or themes. You opened your first story with dialogue which is so cool to really feel like I as a reader am apart of your story. Dialogue definitely makes it easier for me to understand what is going on. You did an excellent job of incorporating Rama into the teachings the are going on at Hogwarts. Your authors note was really well written and provided me a lot of information regarding how you were inspired to write this story. I like seeing the backside to stories like this. I would say that I wish you had incorporated some pictures throughout to break up the large bits of text. It would make your story page easier to look at if readers eyes were occasionally given a break from paragraph after paragraph. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your story this week!
ReplyDeleteHi Katie! If I remember right, I read your introduction and about your love for Harry Potter and your introduction to this storybook. It is still such a great idea to use such a widely loved book/movie as your storybook influence. I really enjoyed how you incorporated the Pandava brothers into the story. Introducing them as ghosts really let you explain who they were and the history behind them. Having a Harry Potter character introduce other Indian history characters like you did here, “While the four brothers were the founders of this school, they were not alone in its establishment. I would like to welcome to class the ghosts of the Pandava Brothers. Some of you might be familiar with their story,” is the best way I could think of. The ending of your story was also really good; it was a nice cliffhanger that made me want to read more. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteKatie, I genuinely think that your storybook is my favorite. I love Harry Potter, and so far, your stories have done a magnificent job of capturing the wonder, adventure, and suspense that can be felt in the Harry Potter series. There are some instances in your stories where I can tell that you’ve been in the Gaylord College, and you’ve been trained on how to write like a reporter. You refer to Professor McGonagell in some instances as just “McGonagell”, and that’s not necessarily the best practice for storytelling purposes. Other than that, the overall storybook and stories are so good and enjoyable! In your story “The Attack,” I love the drama and suspense techniques that you utilized towards the end. I feel like it would be even more dramatic, or of a cliffhanger, if instead, you just left it at: “McGonagall quickly threw a protective spell at the windows to block anything from coming in. She turned to her students and said the one word she knew would cause panic. ‘Run.’” Just a suggestion - it’s so good!
ReplyDeleteI love the Harry Potter series so this is one of my favorite storybooks. I love that the setting in McGonagall's classroom. She is my favorite professor in the series. I also liked that you are focusing on the Patil sisters instead of the main trio in the first story. Their Indian culture and background make them perfect for an Indian adaptation to Harry Potter. I thought that the Panadava brothers being ghosts was a nice detail to add to your story. That helps assimilate Harry Potter and The Indian Epics together. I liked your story "The Attack" as well. I liked how Dumbledore wanted them to know what was happening just like in the books. I love the cliffhanger that you added to your last story. It adds so much suspense and builds anticipation for your next story. By the way it worked. I really want to read your next story. Good job this week!
ReplyDeleteHello Kaite. Incorporating the Harry Potter series into your storybook was an amazing idea and for that I give you a thumbs up! The content of the site is easy to follow and understand. It was a good idea to have a character list as a tab for the people who somehow made it through childhood without watching/reading the series. My favorite part was when you had all the sons of King Pandu come to the class and tell them about the history. It was cool to see them make an appearance in the story as ghosts. The only question I have is are they all still typical wizards who use wands to use magic? Or is it more of an Indian approach where these people at this school are demigods and are just magical? Cannot wait to see what the next part after the attack will be!
ReplyDeleteHi Katie, this story has already captured my attention because of how you chose to relate to the story. I too am a very big fan of the Harry Potter Series. So, I was immediately curious how you would relate the two stories. This seems like a very interesting way to gain inspiration and to challenge one to think about stories in new ways. Very cool.
ReplyDeleteImmediately, I was glad to see us transported directly to the old classroom and I felt like you did a great job accomplishing that feel. The founders of Hogwarts was fundamental to the Potter story, so it makes sense that you drove the story into that topic and put Rama and his entourage into center of the story. Well done. Also, we see you easily found a villain to label with the Voldemort part.
What about Hanuman? He could maybe still be alive in an upcoming episode, no?
I like how you show the children are a bit nervous at the sound of Ravana’s name.
Perfect, I should have seen the ghosts coming. That will be an easy way to access any of these characters. The sky is the limit.
Hi Katie, this story caught my attention because I love Harry Potter. I am pretty sure I read your first story back before it became part of your storybook, so I skipped to the second one. I love how the setting is in the classroom, because most of us can actually picture it and see this scene happening. Your story is even more effective at painting a picture in a reader's mind because a lot of us already have that picture in our mind of McGonagall and the students in class, and Dumbledore busting in. It turned out kind of perfect with the opportunity to make Ravana like Voldemort, because even people who aren't HP fans know Voldemort is the bad guy, haha. The only suggestion I have is to incorporate magic more into it. Or, if you are choosing to exclude magic and incorporate indian epics into it by making them muggles, then that is good too. I just think you need to address that in some way either have the students be casting spells, or doing normal school work. Other than that small adjustment, this story was awesome! I look forward to reading more, because yes!! You did leave us with a cliffhanger!! Great job.
ReplyDeleteHi Katie! If I remember right, I read your introduction and about your love for Harry Potter.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea to use such a widely loved book/movie as your storybook influence. The creativity and imagination you put into this story is very evident and paid off very well. I loved reading this, what a great idea to incorporate the houses with the specific characters from the indian epic! The drama in this story was spot on. I particularly liked this part, "“Wait, what should I tell them is the reason for the sudden change? Should I lie?”
“Tell them the truth. They should be prepared,” Dumbledore said as he left the hall." It really reminded me of the books and all of the drama that came with them. I think you really captured this here. This story turned out great. Keep up the hard work; I am excited to see how this turns out.
Let me start off by telling you that I grew up on the Harry Potter books so I have been really excited to have the opportunity to read your storybook. Additionally, I really love the way you’ve written your story. It flows very well from incident to incident. I also think that you’ve done an excellent job of writing the characters to behave in a realistic manner to their personalities. One thing I think you could do to possibly improve the story would be to take more care to make it clear which characters are involved in which actions. For example, when you write about the students in the common room deciding to go out and find out how to stop Ravana from the original founders of the school its hard to tell who is actually involved with the planning and who goes along to try and help make the plan a success. Regardless, I very much enjoyed your story! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI got lucky last week by being assigned to read your storybook so this week I came back and read the next story. Out of all the storybooks I have viewed so far this one is my favorite! In your new story really liked how you incorporated the students to want to help like they did in the actual series. You are doing something I haven't seen many people do in this class and it's working well for you. I'm excited to see what the founders have to say about what the students need to do to help fend off the evil ravana. Youe newest story was great but I think if you have about 30 minutes it would help to re-read it to eliminate a handful of typos that I came across while I was reading. I'm looking forward to seeing how this storybook will be concluded in the coming weeks.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteI haven’t kept up with your storybook, so I read it all tonight. I love it! I think it is a perfect blend of dialogue and descriptions. I like how you double-space your writing from the dialogue and it is surprising that it doesn’t make the stories feel like they are longer to read. I think it is much easier on the eyes to read the introduction since it has a dark background versus the other stories with the white background, but that is totally my preference. It might be interesting to alternate your pages if you have time to play with the style.
Although this week’s assignment list says that “The Attack” is your most recent story, I read “A History Lesson” since it was posted. You have done a good job on bringing the Patil sisters into the action. I think it was cool that they had been visiting the Pandava ghosts ever since the brothers came to their classroom. It made for an easy transition. The only critiques I have are normal first draft spelling errors. Harry’s lightning “bolt” is spelled as “bold” and “fount” is written instead of “fought” in the dialogue by Dean Thomas a couple paragraphs below.
I am excited about reading the epic finale. Fantastic story!
Hi Katie,
ReplyDeleteWow, I really enjoyed your storybook! I chose your storybook by choice this week, and I am so glad I made that choice. You have done a great job! The cliff hangers in each of the stories is great, because it was like a Netflix episode or the end of the Harry Potter movie, where I had to click on the next one to find out what happens next. The details, plot line, and dialogue all have contributed to the strength of your stories, and I admire that. The author's note have done a really great job of explaining the goals you were trying to achieve with each story, as well as what to expect next. The only suggestion I really have is maybe to introduce some more magic spell type action, and maybe instead of the spells we hear in the movie maybe replace it with some mantras or religious dialect from the epics we have read. Overall, you have done a remarkable job and I am looking forward to coming back to your storybook to find out the end of this saga. Nice job!
Hey Katie!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love the layout of each of the pages. The title and image both really set the tone for the story that is about to come and I think that it is a crucial element to the story. Honestly, reading the first paragraph, I felt like I was sitting in the lecture hall while Professor McGonagall is lecturing. I like how you really piece together the various epics with Harry Potter. The way you describe the houses and the similarities between Ravana and Lord Voldemort is awesome and it makes the story very intriguing. Also, the parallels with the Hogwarts ghosts and the Pandavas was great. The addition of the Patil twins really ties it all in together. I'm excited to read the next story, Katie! Keep up the great work!
Hey Katie! This story was just as awesome as the previous ones. I loved how you started off "The Attack" story on the lighter side before jumping into the main plot of the tale, and you did a great job of going right into the juicy part of the story. I like how you tell the story from Professor McGonagall's perspective because the original Harry Potter is told from the perspective of Harry and this gives it a new light with a similar story. You really caught my attention with the quick and intense turn of events. The part where Professor McGonagall looks out the window and sees Lord Ravana standing on the hill with his ten heads was a great description and literally ran a chill down my spine. The author's note has a great tie-in to the next story and you do a good job of describing what is about to come. Great job, Katie!
ReplyDeleteHi Katie!
ReplyDeleteI just read the third story in your series and I am so impressed! I read the first two and I have been anxious to come back and read more. You did not disappoint!!! Your stories flow so well, you make it easy and fun to read and understand. I especially like how you included all the new characters in this story. I really love how you keep some of the original Harry Potter characters the same then add your own to make it authentic and relevant. You do a great job of connecting your readers to what you're writing. I really enjoyed reading your storybook. You write wonderfully, and I hope you continue to write and create outside of this class!
Hi, Katie! It's been over a month since I last read your storybook, and I must say, I think it's even better now! I'm already biased, obviously, because it's about Harry Potter. However, even after I get passed that excitement, I can see how great of a storybook you have created.Like the previous comment directly before mine, I think it's awesome how you were able to keep the same Harry Potter characters we all know and love, while adding some that are sort of new to us. This might be my favorite thing about your storybook, actually. This aspect of your storybook really allows the reader to create a more visual representation in their head of what is going on in the story.
ReplyDeleteHello Katie! Your storybook has been my favorite throughout this class. Combining the harry potter series and the Indian epics stories we learning in this class were a really good idea. Just about all of us in this class grew up watching/reading the series so when you changed bits and pieces to fit your storybook it was easy to follow. I enjoyed how in the last story I felt a sense of urgency throughout. Almost as if I was reading the words faster and faster. My favorite part was at the end when Rama told the two girls that home is wherever they make it. Not going to lie, it seemed a little cheesy but it was a good conclusion to the overall idea you portrayed in the storybook. The only suggestion I would make is to add a author's note on the last story to tell where you got some of your ideas from. I enjoyed the story but it would have been nice to hear from the author one last time in a concluding note.
ReplyDeleteHi Katie! Wow, your storybook is so unique! I’m assuming you are a huge Harry Potter fan. Haha. My favorite part of your storybook was the character list! I haven’t seen any storybooks yet with this feature. It really helps out those that are not familiar with Harry Potter. I like that you continued one theme throughout the storybook. I like how you merged the original stories into your theme. I was a little confused as to how some of the original stories were a part of your storybook while reading. I feel you could possibly add in a little bit more about the original stories within your storybook. A History Lesson was one of my favorite stories! You did a great job in including the original characters into this story in particular. My favorite part in this story was the magical bow! Who doesn’t love a little bit of magic here and there in stories? Great work!
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